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Diabetes 2’s existential reality for me is the insulin needle

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Let me begin by saying that I’m in pretty good health at 74 years done and 2 months into my 75th year of living. I’ve never been really sick, but I have a medical file that doesn’t read well. The last time I used the BP machine at the pharmacy, the BP metric was 152/82. And then there are my blood sugars and hemaglobins which are not good at all, especially as my GP explains the prognostic of this progressive malady, Diabetes 2.

So he said that in my case medication, diet and exercise were no longer enough, because as he reads my test results over the last 6 months or so, the dis-ease has progressed, or simply put gotten worse. But I say I feel ok and realize that diabetes 2 is a silent killer with some messy physical debilities on the way out, like blindness, amputation et al.

So there I was considering how I would deal with a daily or frequent and self-administered insulin injection. Not Good at all. But later on I realized that other outcomes would be worse, especially that blindness one!

Meanwhile my leg muscles have been giving me extra trouble. I seem to have endemic calf muscle spasms in both legs, altho the right leg is worse than the left. The upshot of this situation is that I tend to walk with stiffness in my right leg and seem to hobble. In fact, when I walked out of the doctor’s office on Tues. PM the spasm in my left leg seemed to become acute. This caused me some anguish since I was on Denman St and about 8 transit kms from home, a lot of stairs et all to get home. I must say that it seemed worse and by the time I was walking the last 75 metres home muscle spasms seemed to wear off.

A psych friend posted a Tolle tutorial about re-sentment on Facebook and I guess this is a sign that the universe is offering me some help. The worse thing I can do right now is begin the “why me” litany and give in to the feelings of resenting all those young people who run up stairs and escalators. My reality is mine and it’s up to me to deal with it. I’ve got to get my fasting blood test results down to acceptable levels. I am using a new diabetes 2 med that costs $3.15 a pill. Thank my extended health care plan I pay only .25 a pill, as long as the insurance pays.

Part of writing this is to work through my emotions about this. My wife is more concerned about my chances of making it past the next few years, especially since we are heading back to China. Albeit I will be returning to Canada twice a year for stays of about 60 days or so.

The bottom line is that I can’t take my health for granted any more! What I eat and drink, or how much I do, will have consequences so it’s up to me. Writing this is a form of therapy for my mind.

But there is some slight good news. Yesterdays fasting blood sugar was down to 9.5 from 11 to 13. I’m like Obama taking heart from slight metric improvements, he in jobless figures and me in blood sugar metrics!

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Written by BobG in Dalian & Vancouver

2009/12/05 at 08:44

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